Standards

Turns out schooling is 100% centered on taking care of diabetic children. Oh sure, there are only two students in the whole complex association of underpaid professionals, who have diabetes. Was that comma supposed to go there? Did it separate the good from the evil momentarily, so you could think straight? Dear reader, please know I mean you.

Eventually, it will seem true, and then you can thank the comma, dear reader. The comma will someday replace the exclamation point (which doesn't defend its own turf like it's supposed to). Imagine that for weirdness in realtime, the criminal-ized exclamation point, totally usurped by the comma, what will become of sentences now.

How I miss thinking out of unfair boxes for my reasons, the joy shall return, it will,...

Crap!!! The comma simply cannot exist without three dots to make it possible, those rules. I can't offend them, I can only respect what our nature defends and no wonder,

Yes, this would never work. Feel familiar? Couldn't possibly replace exclamation points with commas, nope never. Forever that will be true until it no longer pleases the king. Of England you ridiculous, hopelessly forgiven rule-breaking fools!

No cure yet, and you?

Spent all day yesterday in defiant conviction, could diabetes feel this? The cure was in there for most of my waking hours, limitations and boundaries all set, right? Stem cells would never, ever and insulin would get this. Never, ever right?

Even if the diabetic's heart was literally lifted from her own body and transferred against its own will to the cure's destination. Which I hadn't known was possible until conviction held, but couldn't win. That was a suicide scene at the end, as a result of being taken advantage of, cures have standards they must adhere to, or else.

Or else death. What could cures and death possibly have in common anyway...just free-associatin' here. Well, the cure would only produce logic and joy, and of course patience. For there would be many lined up for the cure, many lost souls among us, you know. The cure needs to have that worth. It does.

The cure needs to be lived or it will never happen, just how the integrity of energy and cures work. Hey, I don't want to take the medicine anymore than a diabetic wants to be sick. But alignment of principles into collective agreement of what's right, what's best...that's what I'm referring to.

Just imagining as I write all this, either hearing it from a higher power or just makin unnecessary shit up. I tend to do that, all part of my dishonest character right, it's realness, know me through and through, or don't. Cure.

Death, well, it's a choice AND a last resort. Not mine, obviously, too much to live for. Would never, ever put myself in a situation, consciously anyway, free will intact...where I'd have to give up to get. Or sacrifice for anything other than God's will for my life. Which is on the fast-track, lemme tell you (finally found a decent church).

Pray for the cure everyone who believes in miracles and stuff. Start now, maybe devote the next week to it, and I will too. It might work, the insight that's needed may fall from the sky. I gave technology MWF, perhaps out of decency I'll get seven days back.

God did it, why can't we. I mean I

Today it was Magic

Forced by a magician to attend a 1:30 program, totally against my will. Would rather be doing my laundry. You'd be surprised at the nice, comfortable pace laundry gets done at, with no internet or thriving DVR to distract you. Deep thinking galore, in addition to the imagining.

Can't decide which I like better, magicians bending my will so I head towards the library...or the laundry I already have done and won't have to do later. Being productive is amazing !!!

Nothing like it actually, gimme three straight months of being nothing but productive, and meanwhile re-integrating myself into society. Think I'll be queen? Of my own imagination, obviously. Which tends to know no bounds, sounds awfully familiar, don't you think?

In a way, it mirrors all my preconceived notions about destiny.

Certifiably Bonkers

Turns out, I know exactly the reason performers perform, only because I delved to its depths and realized I have it too. Madness, pure and simple, it's claimed me. No wonder like spirits attract like, and call it interesting instead of stalking, or worse. Whew !!!

I do love insanity but will have to thank heaven for this blessing inside of me...seems you can't mix the two. But you can sacrifice more on the altar of life, straighten that character, and have faith in Good News. I do. Put that in bold-print please, thank you.

Can you believe this will be my last blog post ever? Giving up the internet, developing proof. Not my best work, or even inspired, that's the worst news. This deadline of never posting again, kind of gives me the blues (aiming for as many diagnoses as I can muster). Y tu?

Won't bother me tomorrow though, that I can assure you. Moving forward at any and all costs, best thing in the world. Focusing on the family was divinely inspired for a reason, just like the gratitude beads I once made to honor You.

Back then, I was newly a mother and sure of that fact. Now, I'm just a faithful girl who listens always to her insides, follows her instincts to the ends of the earth, eyeing the crescents which are secretly circles. The dark's unmanifested light, the antithesis of lack. The undying unborn (so sue me, I stole that).

That is all, no lyrical fanfare, thu-thump, that's that. So trust me, someday when the echoes are loudest..., when being an anti-technology family restores our dignity back. Just stay-tuned, like the certifiably bonkers always will, always do.

And remember blog, you're the first non-physical entity I ever fell in love with, went insane for, and put my faith in. I hope that matters to you. Oh wait, the vibrational love songs emanating from my screen, resonate perfectly with my hardware.

That means I'm not certifiable bonkers afterall, just breathlessly consumed. Or I was. Back when digital media ruled my world, yes, back then. I lived it, and the reverie, so that makes it true.

Thinking sideways

May cure diabetes, may not, who am I to assume that. I wouldn't, I just go with the flow that is currently my life, knowing that my energy's pure if I'm focusing on what I currently value, which never seems to be fame, money, or even reputation. Wonder how God preserves me from that. I know, I know (raises diamond bedazzled hand)...

I was still a child when I made my decision, weighed it all out, yes chose it. I scanned the possibilities for my life, all the way up through the potential that superficiality breeds, and consciously unchose it. You see, I knew. You can't have both, can't sell your soul and then receive all the natural gifts that are bestowed upon common citizens.

Sad, but true or I wouldn't have wished it. Was a quick and reasonable insight, based all on facts. Or at least, what I had previously witnessed, no that couldn't have been it. At the time I wouldn't have known Steve Martin and Chevy Chase were cokeheads, or that I'd have the freedom to slander them in my blog because it's nothing more than an average citizen's OPINION. Wouldn't be true then.

I just thought it all through to the point that... That everything else glittery and glamoury would certainly interfere with the values of average citizens, simply not worth it. Can't even bridge friendship. Two different worlds, we and fame whores with no consciences. Just the opinion of a better-than-average citizen (legal, and upgraded status my own then). Got that? I mean it. Ahem.

Two-and-a-half barriers

I'm sure they're supposed to be there, they must be. Otherwise, why would I keep convincing myself over and over that the pretend dialogue I keep answering back to is actually happening. No, it would be a luxury if they were just voices in my head, thanks, I tried that.

They are two actual people who I'll remain sure until eternity that they are who I think they are, that the battles that keep presenting are worthy of fighting, but are they? I don't really know with 100% certainty which is actually how I prefer it.

Because maybe without it, everything would change then. Or perhaps, that last half barrier will do me in, and I'd regret that. Only half a barrier to deal with is confusing enough, so I guess I'll just keep all two-and-a-half in place and maintain sanity.

At least it adds variety, because oneness, well, nobody wants to mess with oneness except saints.

Getting it out there

I have one really, really close friend in my life, and yes you guessed it, it's my husband. Why am I telling you any of this, just to give an example I guess, of it not being complicated. He's the kind of friend I don't have to jump through hoops just to know, can lay everything all out on the table, be honest, be wrong, and towards solutions we go.

No strange metaphysical explanations for anything in our lives, no odd vibrational frequencies to lean towards just to get it right. Nothing standing in the way of a wholesome and lasting love for each other, and maybe it's time I defended that more. A person without their foundation, unable to share the other half of their thinking, their reasoning, might as well have no soul.



This weekend was my eleven year old's birthday, and yes, we had a blast. Two of the ways I was going to describe our time at the cabin were direct quotes, "phenomenal" and "the best yet", well I held back. I shouldn't have, because every time it was and that's just a fact. I'm only saying any of this because I keep finding myself on a ridiculously broken bridge, that doesn't seem to recognize my soul for what it is.

Maybe that's my fault, perhaps it's my mind creating drama where there is none. Was none, will be none...which was it, because I'm starting to forget.