Saturday, December 12, 2009

Prayer number one

I've got to keep track of these, if God's going to supernaturally heal my baby. It's a conflict though, now that I've reached acceptance, and can see how it serves my life's mission just as well to go through this tremendous loss. Seeing death so up close, and nothing hits closer to home than your very own child's last breaths.

Interesting story inserted here, and it has to do with murder. Think of it this way friends...please, if you don't mind. It's the cord itself that provides the oxygen (i.e. chance at life) to my little baby Cooper. So what, I'm going to have my husband be the one, to end it all? Too graphic...too scary? Okay good, I'll continue.

So, I told my doctor my concern at this point was only the delivery. And uh, cutting the cord, because um, you know, that would be the ending? It will be emotional and tragic, you're right. I'll cut the cord. Er, wait...

let's just wait for the natural release of the placenta. It will turn one minute into at least fifteen, so that makes me less sad. Just enough time to make official eye contact, show Cooper what it's going to feel like to be loved, and to trust. If I'm lucky, I'll get to attach him to my breast.

Sorry, that last part was REALLY graphic.

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