Tuesday, June 16, 2009

It was an accident

Diabetes isn't something that happens by accident, I wouldn't call it intentional, as if a weakness in your pancreas allows your immune system to intentionally attack it. God's design wouldn't see it that way, instead, most things that are unfair in life, the accidents where children are involved...designed to teach.

I would never personally take this for granted, as my experience has shown both frontwards and back, that diabetes was exactly what my family needed to strengthen its purpose. I actually remember the very thought that suggested humility may be needed, in my family, to balance it all. Perhaps it was intuition, a fear made manifest, but the order in which it happened, unmistakable.

Taylor's really been letting the tears out lately, and for that I am grateful. I can't imagine what it's like to have the whole freedom of your childhood captured and held hostage by needle pricks and life-or-death medicines. I often remind myself that it's better than cancer. Indulgent idea, as I'm just the parent, trying to make a daily struggle that affects my beautiful daughter's life, pretty unbearable.

It shouldn't boil down to perspective, or divine justice either. But how else are we taught, not to take our fellow humans for granted? Only thing worse than cancer, and I can't believe I'm saying this, is to lose your lads, or worse, your lass, in an unpredictable accident. Could probably invent new chords from that loss alone, wouldn't recommend it. Damn, that sounds insensitive, when did I become so callous?

Not sure. Wasn't in my nature a few months ago, back before the diabetes. Back then, I was whole.

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