Monday, April 26, 2010

Until December

Carrying a baby to term, with no outcome that involves changing too many tiny diapers and all-night long feeding/burping sessions...kind of leaves the saddest place inside. My instinct is to step back into that familiar pattern, being a mom of a newborn, you know?

But my life goals involve staying open to the feedback/advice that suggests I wait until December, or late winter I should've said. Feels better than the names of months that start to haunt me after awhile. See that cracked space? Me, broken.

I'm not really worried about it because I'm learning more about myself within communities than ever before. Starting to hold the burn in my heart when it comes, and it's sitting more willingly lately, while I ponder the curse of time.

Days, weeks, months, years...can't delete their existence. Can only keep walking forward waiting, waiting that whole entire time, for the pain to lessen, for the peace to hold.

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