Today it was Magic

Forced by a magician to attend a 1:30 program, totally against my will. Would rather be doing my laundry. You'd be surprised at the nice, comfortable pace laundry gets done at, with no internet or thriving DVR to distract you. Deep thinking galore, in addition to the imagining.

Can't decide which I like better, magicians bending my will so I head towards the library...or the laundry I already have done and won't have to do later. Being productive is amazing !!!

Nothing like it actually, gimme three straight months of being nothing but productive, and meanwhile re-integrating myself into society. Think I'll be queen? Of my own imagination, obviously. Which tends to know no bounds, sounds awfully familiar, don't you think?

In a way, it mirrors all my preconceived notions about destiny.

Certifiably Bonkers

Turns out, I know exactly the reason performers perform, only because I delved to its depths and realized I have it too. Madness, pure and simple, it's claimed me. No wonder like spirits attract like, and call it interesting instead of stalking, or worse. Whew !!!

I do love insanity but will have to thank heaven for this blessing inside of me...seems you can't mix the two. But you can sacrifice more on the altar of life, straighten that character, and have faith in Good News. I do. Put that in bold-print please, thank you.

Can you believe this will be my last blog post ever? Giving up the internet, developing proof. Not my best work, or even inspired, that's the worst news. This deadline of never posting again, kind of gives me the blues (aiming for as many diagnoses as I can muster). Y tu?

Won't bother me tomorrow though, that I can assure you. Moving forward at any and all costs, best thing in the world. Focusing on the family was divinely inspired for a reason, just like the gratitude beads I once made to honor You.

Back then, I was newly a mother and sure of that fact. Now, I'm just a faithful girl who listens always to her insides, follows her instincts to the ends of the earth, eyeing the crescents which are secretly circles. The dark's unmanifested light, the antithesis of lack. The undying unborn (so sue me, I stole that).

That is all, no lyrical fanfare, thu-thump, that's that. So trust me, someday when the echoes are loudest..., when being an anti-technology family restores our dignity back. Just stay-tuned, like the certifiably bonkers always will, always do.

And remember blog, you're the first non-physical entity I ever fell in love with, went insane for, and put my faith in. I hope that matters to you. Oh wait, the vibrational love songs emanating from my screen, resonate perfectly with my hardware.

That means I'm not certifiable bonkers afterall, just breathlessly consumed. Or I was. Back when digital media ruled my world, yes, back then. I lived it, and the reverie, so that makes it true.

Thinking sideways

May cure diabetes, may not, who am I to assume that. I wouldn't, I just go with the flow that is currently my life, knowing that my energy's pure if I'm focusing on what I currently value, which never seems to be fame, money, or even reputation. Wonder how God preserves me from that. I know, I know (raises diamond bedazzled hand)...

I was still a child when I made my decision, weighed it all out, yes chose it. I scanned the possibilities for my life, all the way up through the potential that superficiality breeds, and consciously unchose it. You see, I knew. You can't have both, can't sell your soul and then receive all the natural gifts that are bestowed upon common citizens.

Sad, but true or I wouldn't have wished it. Was a quick and reasonable insight, based all on facts. Or at least, what I had previously witnessed, no that couldn't have been it. At the time I wouldn't have known Steve Martin and Chevy Chase were cokeheads, or that I'd have the freedom to slander them in my blog because it's nothing more than an average citizen's OPINION. Wouldn't be true then.

I just thought it all through to the point that... That everything else glittery and glamoury would certainly interfere with the values of average citizens, simply not worth it. Can't even bridge friendship. Two different worlds, we and fame whores with no consciences. Just the opinion of a better-than-average citizen (legal, and upgraded status my own then). Got that? I mean it. Ahem.

Two-and-a-half barriers

I'm sure they're supposed to be there, they must be. Otherwise, why would I keep convincing myself over and over that the pretend dialogue I keep answering back to is actually happening. No, it would be a luxury if they were just voices in my head, thanks, I tried that.

They are two actual people who I'll remain sure until eternity that they are who I think they are, that the battles that keep presenting are worthy of fighting, but are they? I don't really know with 100% certainty which is actually how I prefer it.

Because maybe without it, everything would change then. Or perhaps, that last half barrier will do me in, and I'd regret that. Only half a barrier to deal with is confusing enough, so I guess I'll just keep all two-and-a-half in place and maintain sanity.

At least it adds variety, because oneness, well, nobody wants to mess with oneness except saints.

Getting it out there

I have one really, really close friend in my life, and yes you guessed it, it's my husband. Why am I telling you any of this, just to give an example I guess, of it not being complicated. He's the kind of friend I don't have to jump through hoops just to know, can lay everything all out on the table, be honest, be wrong, and towards solutions we go.

No strange metaphysical explanations for anything in our lives, no odd vibrational frequencies to lean towards just to get it right. Nothing standing in the way of a wholesome and lasting love for each other, and maybe it's time I defended that more. A person without their foundation, unable to share the other half of their thinking, their reasoning, might as well have no soul.



This weekend was my eleven year old's birthday, and yes, we had a blast. Two of the ways I was going to describe our time at the cabin were direct quotes, "phenomenal" and "the best yet", well I held back. I shouldn't have, because every time it was and that's just a fact. I'm only saying any of this because I keep finding myself on a ridiculously broken bridge, that doesn't seem to recognize my soul for what it is.

Maybe that's my fault, perhaps it's my mind creating drama where there is none. Was none, will be none...which was it, because I'm starting to forget.

Abandoning the ridiculous

What?!! I LOVE the ridiculous, with my whole entire character, but the same heart is patient. It has to be, or the ridiculousness will take over my brain, and my soul eventually, and then I'm nothing but a basket case with nothing on earth to ground me.

I need earth more than I need ridiculousness, believe me! Earth, it's what sustains me. It's my home planet, and the last time I took oxygen and tried to convert it into nitrogen...well, besides being impossible, I was just glad in the end to be able to breathe again.

Incessantly ridiculous writing only got worse, but it was a fair trade off. I'm not really going to abandon the ridiculous, but my reasoning is beyond unfairly ridiculous, it has only to do with flexible face muscles, nothing more. I know, pathetic.

I just...I can't die without knowing what it's like to interact with that mask, to see what parts are genuine, and which parts are there for entertainment. I need to know it all, to study it more closely. It's the only reason left that I don't abandon ridiculousness altogether.

I'm not expecting to touch the mask, only look straight into it and see if it answers back. It might, it might not. A risk I'm willing to take, but besides Earth, it's all that I care about these days. Breathing, and wanting to know that mask.

It wouldn't fit

"Putting my faith in a new place, and keeping a close eye on spirit. From now on." I don't know how many characters that would have been, my email loves to play pranks on me and teach me good lessons. That's what I get for taking time out to think.

I'm still keeping my word on that one, because it's post number six right now, and the farthest thing from my mind is baskets. If I trip when I'm weaving, or worse, slice my finger...it's either get back up again or put on a bandaid.

A professional crafter for the most part, most of the time, except when I'm not. I'll have to allow that, as part of my growth, it's where my spirit's at. The nausea, it will get better by the second trimester, it always does. It does every time.

I like my life's journey, being creative and feeling alive. It was the obstacles that kept getting me down, where there's a will there's a way is what I'm going to say. A new direction is birthed, this time all mine. My focus is strengthened, my purpose divine.